One afternoon a few months ago I had my first official breakdown. Not the kind where the men in white coats are called and I get carted off to the "mommy spa." Rather, I had the type where as I was sitting in the bathroom changing the roll of toilet paper again, I was suddenly struck by the fact that the reason we go through the sheer volume of toilet paper we do is because we are home all the time. Sure, sure. Ten fannies plus constant company will use up the toilet paper. But so will being home 24/7/365. Now combine that stat with the ten fannies and I think you can see how I arrived at my mental snap.
Most of our neighbors get up every morning and use their water, electricity, and toilet paper for an hour or so before everyone departs for work and school where they promptly begin using water, electricity, and toilet paper provided for their convenience by someone else. Then they return home for an few more hours of use that they pay for before going to sleep.
I actually got myself so worked up that I had his wonderful scenario play itself out in my head where I showed up at the school administration building with a box for each school aged child in my possession. Then, I collected my "supplies." Crayons, markers, pencils, paper, safety scissors, toilet paper, light bulbs, computers, laminating machine, brooms, cafeteria lady, vomit absorbing powder . . .
And then I came out of the bathroom with an unread magazine which had arrived four months earlier. I poured a mug of coffee -- decaf -- and told the children I was taking a break for a few moments because I had finally cracked. And to please hide any toilet paper rolls from my sight for the next week so I simply wasn't aware of how much we were using.
Of course, this last plan totally backfired when I learned we were completely out of toilet paper. Just as I needed some.
Most of our neighbors get up every morning and use their water, electricity, and toilet paper for an hour or so before everyone departs for work and school where they promptly begin using water, electricity, and toilet paper provided for their convenience by someone else. Then they return home for an few more hours of use that they pay for before going to sleep.
I actually got myself so worked up that I had his wonderful scenario play itself out in my head where I showed up at the school administration building with a box for each school aged child in my possession. Then, I collected my "supplies." Crayons, markers, pencils, paper, safety scissors, toilet paper, light bulbs, computers, laminating machine, brooms, cafeteria lady, vomit absorbing powder . . .
And then I came out of the bathroom with an unread magazine which had arrived four months earlier. I poured a mug of coffee -- decaf -- and told the children I was taking a break for a few moments because I had finally cracked. And to please hide any toilet paper rolls from my sight for the next week so I simply wasn't aware of how much we were using.
Of course, this last plan totally backfired when I learned we were completely out of toilet paper. Just as I needed some.
2 comments:
time for a girls' night for sure! We'll all bring our own T.P.!
Love you!
Laurie - love you, too!!! Pathetic attempt at mounting my own revolution, isn't it? Rosa Parks took on segregation. Mother Theresa brought attention to the plight of millions. Me - the injustice of purchasing toilet paper.
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