Utter Failure

I have never, ever, EVER failed a state auto inspection. And I mean utterly and completely failed. Sure, we've gotten the calls from the mechanic stating that the inspection is complete and such and such (my technical mechanic terms) needs replacing, estimated costs are, and we'll be ready for you to pick up your vehicle by 7:00 tomorrow morning. So I haven't always passed with flying colors, but never have I been looked in the eye by the greasy mechanic (whom I respect enormously because I truly do NOT understand what occurs in the inner-bowels of my van) and told, "Mrs. Rutherford -- You failed."

GASP. Seriously? And, for information's sake, how serious is this seriously? It turns out that we had a tire -- our front left tire, to be precise -- which had something called cords sticking out of it and that is bad. So bad, it triggers an automatic fail. And, while we are on the subject of tires, the back right is a technical pass, but not the kind of pass where the mechanic himself would drive his children around using this tire as one of the only traction points keeping the van connected to the road. YIKES. Now we are at one fail, one borderline. And the other two tires? They actually have a lot of life left, but they aren't wearing evenly. Which led to the very question I knew was coming.

"Mrs. Rutherford, how frequently do you rotate your tires?"

Drat. I knew it. I knew he would ask. I knew from the moment he said things were actually sticking out of the tire that I was sooooooo busted. I have rotated the tires on our behemoth vehicle exactly once. When I bought the tires at Sam's three years ago (literally almost to the date three years ago! I know this because I keep the paperwork for the tires in my van in order to redeem my free rotations.) they came with life-of-the-tires free rotations. When I arrived for my first free rotation, the children and I found ourselves trapped in Sam's for FOUR HOURS while waiting for our "free service" to be completed. And just how much money do you think I spent wandering around Sam's for four hours with six children and pregnant with our seventh???? Definitely more than I would have paid to just have them rotated at my next oil change. (Which I do religiously, by the way. The oil change, not the rotation.) So, in protest, I never went back for another free rotation. But, whenever I was asked if I wanted my tires rotated at our oil changes, my answer was always no because why would I pay for a service if I have it free with my tire purchase? If you have stuck with me this far, I'm sure you are already shaking your head at my warped and twisted logic which was now quite visible to this very knowledgeable man in front of me. Drat drat drat.

So, the procedure for failures is this: I pay for the service they have performed. I then have 30 days to fix whatever they found lacking the first go around, after which I bring the van back for a free second inspection, which I should pass. Then I finally gain the privilege of paying $2 for my PA State inspection sticker and resting comfortably in the knowledge that I have done my legal duty by my state. Not to mention no longer driving our eight children around using tires-of-death.

Yes, I have already replaced both tires AND had both new tires installed in the front as recommended by both my father and the Tire-Guy, who both know more about tires in their pinkie-toe-nail-clipping than I do in my entire body. The Tire-Guy agreed that while the other two tires do have life left, they are worn unevenly, so I really should be replacing them within the next few months. His recommendation was that at our first tire rotation (4,000 miles - I looked it up on the paperwork already) we purchase a second set of tires, installing them in the front while moving our current front tires to the back, ensuring that they will all wear evenly. Okay. I can do that.

And so, after $329.43 I now realize that if I don't rotate my tires, I will be caught. Or, more appropriately, busted.