Nox the Turd

The list of items Nox has rendered unusable since he joined our home:

- 2 extra-large dog beds which the children used for reading in the book nook:  $80 

- 4 throw pillows which were also in the book nook:  $30 

- 1 twin mattress: $150

- Dawson's favorite stuffed dog's nose: nominal monetary cost, large treasured loss

- 1  large bag of feline pine which he systematically dropped into the toilet overnight : $15

- 1 cost of labor for snaking the toilet:  free, but only because we already own a toilet snake (I mentioned 4 boys, remember?)

- 18 farm-fresh eggs which he knocked over jumping into the refrigerator: $3

- 2 sections of installed carpet on the stairway: estimated cost of $40

The list of required changes in human behavior since Nox became the house Dictator:

- No long goodbyes at the front door unless you desire to spend several minutes searching the bushes in order to locate Nox.

- Nox Duty is an assigned chore when the entire family is either leaving or entering the home.   The assigned Rutherford guards the door with a water bottle, same as the troops guard barbed wire fences.

- Bedroom doors are now kept closed at all times (due to the mattress incident.)

- No piles of any sort may be left anywhere.  You do remember there are 9 of us, right?

- The litter box must be emptied each day due to his highness's preferences.  His displeasure in dereliction of this duty may be found in  piles throughout the house.

- Water must also be changed daily.

- Post-children in bed snacking for the former rulers of this kingdom must be done in a guarded fashion to keep the Dictator from stealing right off our plates.  Especially cheese nachos.

The increase in children's laughter since Nox joined our home:

Immeasurable.  And this is what keeps him in power.